


Food for Thought

by Evil_Little_Dog



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Challenge Response, Food Issues, Food Poisoning, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Starvation, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-19
Updated: 2012-03-19
Packaged: 2017-11-02 05:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/365253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Little_Dog/pseuds/Evil_Little_Dog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary:  Edward, Darius and Heinkel eat their way across Amestris.<br/>Disclaimer:  Arakawa absolutely owns everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Food Poisoning

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Kalirush for the edits.

The hotel room seemed tight, hot and close with both chimerӕ in it. They stared down at him with quizzical expressions. Edward ignored them, clutching at his stomach. God, what he wouldn’t do right now for some of Granny’s elixir. That stuff would rip through his body, but it’d be better than the rumbling deep inside. It felt like something was trying to claw its way out of his stomach. “Dying,” he whined.

Heinkel wrinkled his nose, taking a step back as Edward burped. “Yeah, you smell like it, at any rate.”

“What did you do, Ed?” Darius cocked his head to one side. 

“Nothin - ” Edward choked on the word, rolling out of the bed. He scrambled across the floor, fingers pressed to his mouth, hoping to make it to the lavatory before his stomach upended itself. Wrenching the door open to the shared bathroom, he flung up the toilet seat. Everything he’d eaten rushed back up his throat, flooding his mouth and spilling out into the bowl of the commode. Edward spat and gasped, spitting again, trying to clear his mouth. Bile rushed up, making his nose sting as he vomited again. 

Reaching up, he pulled the chain to flush the toilet, closing his eyes so he didn’t have to watch the mess spin down the hole. The commode felt cool against his sweaty cheek. Burping again, he tasted acid, and Edward flailed his hand weakly, finding the toilet paper and yanking on the end of it to pull some of it free. He blew his nose, and dropped the used paper on the floor next to him. His arms felt like they were both made of lead, instead of only one being made of steel and the other flesh and bone. 

“Maybe you are dying,” Darius said from the bathroom door. 

Edward couldn’t even open his eyes to glare. His stomach was still churning, leaving him feeling weak-kneed and exhausted. “Fuck,” he managed, “off.” 

“You have such a winning disposition,” Heinkel said, pushing past Darius to wet down a washcloth and pass it to Ed. “Clean your face.” 

“Unngh,” Edward groaned, leaning over the bowl of the commode again as bile trickled out of his mouth. The damp of the cloth felt cool under his fingers, but he couldn’t keep hold of it. 

“ - bicarbonate of soda would help him?” Darius was asking when Edward could hear something other than his stomach twisting the rest of his body into knots. 

“We could try…one of us would have to get it.” 

“I’ll go,” Darius volunteered quickly. 

Edward could almost hear the frown in Heinkel’s voice. “I think we should throw for it.”

“Hey, you’re more the mother hen type than I am. You’re the one who just tried to get him to clean himself up.”

“Both. Of you. Go,” Edward managed to get out breathlessly. A soft moan left him, and he sagged against the commode again, then abruptly tried to haul himself to his feet and shuck his pants. 

The two men leaped back out of the lavatory, one of them making a disgusted noise. Leaning forward over his knees, Edward tried to concentrate on anything other than his bowels, but nothing came to mind. He panted, blinking his eyes to focus them, and spotted a small stain on the floor. That was something he could stare at and try to free his mind, like Izumi’d tried to teach Al and him when they were kids. It hadn’t worked then, but he’d matured, right? Edward knew he could get through this. And next time, he’d avoid the guy with the food cart, no matter how amazing his wares smelled.


	2. Hunger-Starvation

It was weird to Edward that Heinkel’s stomach growled louder than Darius’s did. He would’ve thought that with Darius, being, well, wider in all directions, there’d be more of a reverberation. “Can’t you quiet that down?” he snapped. 

“I’m hungry, too,” Darius said. “Those rabbits we had last night weren’t enough.”

“You’re both part wild animal, aren’t you? Can’t you live off the land? I should have you finding food for me!” 

Heinkel rubbed his belly. “I knew we should’ve stolen those pies off that window sill at the last town.” 

“Tch!” The last town had been two days ago, and the pies would’ve been long gone. Besides, Edward didn’t like stealing. If they had money to pay, it would be different, but now that he couldn’t access his military account, they were screwed. “We’re not stealing. These people work hard for their food.” 

“We could’ve done something to work it off, if you hadn’t been recognized,” Darius said, favoring Edward with a long look. 

“Maybe you should do something so you don’t look so much like you,” Heinkel added. 

“Yeah? How do you think I should do that?” His arms folding, Edward jutted his jaw out, determined not to lose this fight.

“That ponytail, for one,” Darius flicked a thick finger at him. 

“Stilts, for another,” Heinkel sniffed. 

“Who are you calling so tiny no one sees him unless – wait, I’m that recognizable?” Edward considered it. He hadn’t really ever thought about it before – the watch marked him as a State Alchemist, his red coat was pretty memorable. And Al…who wouldn’t remember Al? But he hadn’t done all that much to make a name for himself, had he? Liore, yeah; and Youswell. The fights in Rush Valley and Central City. 

Heinkel rubbed his temples. “Now his head’s going to swell even more, isn’t it?”

“Dammit.” 

“Hey!” Edward flashed his teeth at them, and didn’t back down when Heinkel stiffened and Darius glowered. “I haven’t got that much of an ego!”

“Uh, huh,” both men said dryly, exchanging glances.

“Look, I’m at least providing us something to eat. You two are hard to feed! If I was just hunting for myself, I’d have food left over!” 

“You’re the one who needed our help, remember, Ed?” Darius asked, cracking the knuckles of one huge hand. “We could’ve left you in that mine.” 

“Or with the surgeons, and let you get caught when the soldiers came looking,” reminded Heinkel. 

“Yeah, we could’ve been on our merry ways if you hadn’t sent me out to get money to pay the surgeons,” Darius reminded. 

“So? You agreed to that,” Edward said. “And you could’ve thrown me to the wolves if you wanted, but you came up with the idea of kidnapping me!” 

Darius’s face was practically unreadable, but he twitched his eyes sideways. “We’re in this together,” Heinkel shrugged. “Besides, you’re probably our best bet of getting out of this without the military prosecuting us for being deserters.” 

“And you’re not that bad at rustling up food for us,” Darius admitted, glancing down as his stomach rumbled. “Hmm.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re hungry, I get it!” Edward flapped a hand at them as he started out toward a copse of trees. Maybe, with some luck, he’d be able to find some rabbit trails, maybe some mushrooms, so they could have some sort of supper.


	3. Comfort Food

“What’s the best thing you’ve ever eaten?” Darius asked. 

“What kind of question is that?” Edward shot him a look over the flames of the small, smokeless fire. He felt pretty confident that no one would see it, as far back in the woods as they were, but farmers always watched out for fires. A wildfire could destroy a farmer’s crop, his barns, his stock. They were too dangerous not to investigate. When they left in the morning, Edward would make sure the ashes were cool, and bury them. 

“Well, you’re a virgin, so it’s not like we can talk about sex without you freaking out,” Heinkel said.

Swallowing down a shriek that would probably reverberate, heat climbed up Edward’s chest, hitting his throat and merging with the fire that ignited the skin of his face. “I don’t need to hear that kind of crap!”

The older men gave each other a look. “You’re right: virgin,” Darius said. Edward knew if they had money, they’d be exchanging it right now. 

“What are you talking about!” Dammit, his ears even felt hot now.

“Your cute little mechanic,” Heinkel said.

And that made him even hotter. “You leave Winry out of it!” 

“Testy, isn’t he?” 

Heinkel nodded. “I think it’s love.”

“Shut up!” Edward showed his teeth at them, fury and embarrassment waging a war inside his body. “Go back to talking about food!” At least that wouldn’t be too bad, even if he was hungry right now. A hell of a lot less embarrassing, at any rate. 

“Ooo,” Darius grinned back at Edward. “You’re right, Heinkel. He doesn’t normally react this way.”

“Well, there were those dreams he had back at the surgeon’s place.” 

Edward nearly swallowed his tongue. “What dreams!?” 

Heinkel gave him a bland look. “The dreams you had about your mechanic.” 

“Nice dreams,” Darius said, lacing his fingers behind his head, leaning back and smiling in remembrance. “Really nice dreams.”

“The surgeon said he knew you were healing when you had that wet drea- ”

“I don’t need to know about it!” Seriously, Edward knew he had to be red enough to self-combust. “Shut up!”

Darius laughed first, but Heinkel wasn’t far behind him, both men snickering and heehawing, and Edward wanted to shove a fist in their faces. The only thing stopping him was, well, he wasn’t sure what stopped him. “Just shut it!” he growled, throwing another branch on the fire. When they finally stopped laughing, Edward said, “My favorite food is apple pie.” Oh, shit, did he actually just say that?

“Apple pie?” Heinkel seemed to be considering it.

“Yeah.” Edward poked at the branch he’d just tossed into the flames with the toe of his boot. 

Darius nodded, rubbing his chin. “That’s pretty good for a favorite food. Did your mom make it for you, or something?” 

“No, Mom didn’t make pies.” Edward shifted slightly. “I’ve had them before,” he said. He thought of Winry, and the pie she’d made at the Hughes’s house, and wished he’d offered more comfort to her than just eating her pie.


	4. Interrogation

“Aw, damn,” Darius said, upending the storage bag where they’d been carrying any leftovers or edible things they picked up along their travels. “There isn’t anything left to eat.”

Edward jerked his head. “What?” 

“No food.” He flipped the bag to show it to Edward and Heinkel. 

“What the hell?” Edward snatched the bag, digging inside it as if by him searching through, he’d be able to find something to eat. “Damn it! There was food in here last night!” 

“There isn’t now,” Darius said, shrugging. 

Heinkel sighed, rubbing his stomach. “Guess we have to tighten our belts. Again.”

“Wait a minute, why isn’t there any food? I packed some shelf mushrooms in there last night,” Edward grumbled, “and I know that fish…” The only thing that remained of either was a faint scent. “Damn it!” Clutching the bag in his fists, he glared at his traveling companions. “One of you ate the food, right?” He stomped closer to Heinkel, sniffing. “Breathe!” he ordered. 

“What?” He raised his eyebrows. 

Ugh, morning breath was the worst. He made a mental promise to himself to get toothbrushes at the next town they could. They needed something better than just chewing on branches and using them to clean their teeth. “You don’t smell like fish,” Edward said, turning toward Darius. “Your turn, Donkey Kong.” 

“Hell, no,” Darius growled. “I’m not letting you sniff my breath.” He bristled as Edward narrowed his eyes. “Get that out of your brain, brat.”

“Maybe you ate it,” Heinkel said. 

“I didn’t!” Edward’s stomach growled, emphasizing his protest. Damn it, he was so hungry. Stabbing a finger at Heinkel, he said, “You had first watch!”

“That doesn’t mean I ate anything,” Heinkel said.

“And you had second watch,” Darius said, folding his arms, “maybe you did eat the food.” 

“You would have the opportunity,” Heinkel said. 

“And you eat like a horse, for a little guy,” Darius added.

Edward roared, “Who the fuck are you calling too small to reach the dinner table!?”

Both men stared at him. “I didn’t say that,” Darius said, “did I?”

Heinkel shrugged in response. “You did say the ‘L’ word.” 

“Whatever! You’re still interrogating me, and I’m not the guilty one!” Gnashing his teeth, Edward threw the food bag to the ground and kicked it. Yeah, fucking mature, he knew. Still, he was hungry, too, and the idea of having to go find more food to feed them – fuck, who knew how long that would take. Late winter wasn’t the best time to be looking for food, especially when you were on the run. Rabbits were scrawny, and fish took time. Shelf mushrooms and ear mushrooms were the best bet, and fiddlehead ferns, if they’d pushed up through the forest detritus. Fallen trees might have grubs they could eat, too, but while Edward knew they were good eating, he wasn’t sure he’d find enough. And he didn’t know what Donkey Kong and Lion King were feeling, but Edward was pretty sure his stomach was eating its way through to his backbone. 

“Look, kid, stop getting your panties in a twist,” Darius said. “You didn’t take the food, okay?”

Sighing, Heinkel grabbed his own pack, slipping it over his shoulders. “Let’s get moving. Maybe we can figure out how to get some food in the next town.” He glared at Edward balefully. “If someone doesn’t get recognized.” 

Edward growled under his breath, but grabbed the food bag off the ground, tossing the strap over his shoulder. Whatever. He’d show them. Stomach growling, he stomped off. Central City and that stupid little shack just couldn’t show up in his sights soon enough. 

“So, did you eat the food?” Darius asked Heinkel, who shook his head. “Huh. Wonder what happened to it?”

Heinkel grumbled, “Guess we’ll never know.” 

As the trio hiked off, a raccoon chattered at them from a tree branch, and then went back to its meal of free fish.


End file.
